Immune to the Stuff
by Madame Atomic Bomb
Summary: Zuko decides to take care of Suki when she suddenly falls ill, but soon comes to realize that his concern for her is rooted in much deeper feelings than friendship. ::SMOKE DEMONS SAGA #1::
1. Chapter 1

**Notes: I wrote this last year, and for some reason never posted it here. So here is another story from the Smoke Demons' series! :)**

 **PART ONE**

* * *

A shiver coursed over Suki's frame as she swayed in place beside the door to Zuko's office. Her gloved hand clenched on the hilt of the sword tucked into her belt, as if that might stop the swirling sensation in her stomach. She blinked a few times, trying to keep the shivers wracking her from showing in her shoulders.

Her stomach tightened, clenching and roiling around the tea she'd had earlier. Despite the turmoil in her middle, she felt strangely hollow, as if someone had blown a gigantic hole in her chest. Biting down on the inside of her lip, she stubbornly tried to ignore how lightheaded she was feeling.

She was _not_ getting sick. She refused.

Focusing outward was hard though, but an excuse to watch Zuko was one she would gladly take. The Fire Lord was bent over his desk, hard at work signing document after document that Fen, his fussy secretary, put before him. Zuko's brow was furrowed as he stopped and read a few lines of the parchment in front of him.

"Do we really need new topiary in the gardens?" he asked Fen, gesturing to the requisition form.

"Well, sire..." Fen started, one hand on his cocked hip in exasperation. "If you'll recall, you and the Captain decided to set fire to the old garden outside your dojo."

"There was an assassin," Zuko explained, pulling a little grin as he glanced up at Suki, who found it in her to return the expression, even though thinking about that afternoon in his dojo _still_ gave her anxiety. That had been a close call. Far too close.

"And there _was_ a garden. Now it's a scorch mark," Fen huffed.

"We didn't do it for fun," Zuko said defensively.

"Well, it was a _little_ fun," Suki spoke up, with a small shrug. Zuko turned his attention back on her, his grin wide, eyes twinkling with amusement.

"How hilarious. Meanwhile, the royal gardeners are up my backside about replacing everything. What should I tell them?" Fen hissed. Zuko tore his gaze away from her and looked back at the forms in front of him. He chewed on the end of his brush and then rolled his eyes.

"Fine. Replace it all. But no topiary. It creeps me out. Tell them to put in a flower garden instead," Zuko said, signing his name with a flourish. "What do you think, Captain? Might be nice to smell flowers instead of sweat after our workouts."

It took her a moment to realize that Zuko was addressing her again. She started, swallowing the lump in her throat. Zuko glanced up from his paperwork again, his gaze centered on her. She saw his mild amusement turn to worry in an instant and wondered what he might have seen in her face to cause that. She _couldn't_ give away that she was sick. How humiliating.

"Suki?"

Her head spun toward the sound of Zuko's voice, and she immediately regretting the movement, because it made the whole room tilt a little. Zuko's brow furrowed at her she swayed in place.

"Yes?" she said thickly, as if through a haze.

"Are you all right?" Zuko asked, concern in his voice as he glanced from her to Fen, but the secretary was shuffling papers and hadn't looked at her since walking into the room.

"Yes, why?" she said, drawing herself up, even as a shiver wracked her frame.

"You look...I don't know. Are you okay?"

"Of course," she lied, and cleared her throat. "I was just spacing out. What were you saying?"

Zuko looked like he didn't believe her, but he said slowly, "Nothing important. Are you sure you're okay?"

She took a deep breath and then nodded. "Yes, Fire Lord Zuko. I'm sure."

 _I only have an hour left of my shift. I can be okay for an hour. I can hold it together. I will_ not _puke. Not in front of Zuko. Anything but_ that.

As Zuko cast her another worried, and unconvinced, look, and then bent over the document Fen thrust under his nose, Suki stubbornly made deals with her body. She had never left a shift before and she wasn't about to start now. She'd been fine at the start of her shift that morning, but after lunch it had crept up on her slowly but surely. She hated that Zuko had noticed that she wasn't herself. She didn't want him to doubt her protection for a moment.

She could stand a lot of things, but she would not tolerate losing Zuko's confidence in her skills. Especially not because of some stupid little fever.

She drew herself up, ignoring the roil of her stomach, the spin of her head and the shivers slowly taking over her body. Her skin was starting to feel clammy and there was a noticeable shake in her limbs.

 _Hold it together, dammit._

Fen was putting the papers back into his leather case and Zuko caught her eye as he sat back in his chair with a gusting exhale, dropping his brush back into his ink pot. He rubbed at his neck.

"Please tell me that's all for today," he groaned, rolling his shoulders.

"I'm afraid not, sire. You have that meeting with Mayor Yukishima in the council room in ten minutes, remember? I dropped a reminder with your breakfast."

"Damn," Zuko said, his whole body slouching with disappointment. "I was hoping you'd forget."

"You don't pay me to forget."

"Are you angling for a raise?" Zuko countered, making Fen drop his professional fussiness for a moment. Suki saw him bite back a smile.

"If only," Fen said and then closed his case. "I know you don't like the Mayor."

"The feeling is mutual. I can't wait to hear what he's coming to complain about this time," Zuko groused, pushing himself away from the desk. He stood and stretched, working out his shoulders again. Suki bit down on her lip. He was going to work himself into a backache soon.

"Just try to be polite," Fen said.

"I promise nothing," Zuko said darkly and then sighed. "What's after the meeting?"

"Nothing until five, when you have your regular Council meeting. Oh, and Councilman Osamu will not be attending. He's fallen ill."

Zuko pulled a face. "Madam Biyu last week, and now Osamu. Half the palace is out with this stomach virus. It's really going around."

"Yes, and from what I understand it's _not_ pleasant. Osamu collapsed at the breakfast table."

"Is he okay?" Zuko said, alarm on his face.

"He is, but the table isn't. Rumor has it he fell face-first into his miso. His wife was frantic, but he was relatively fine. Fever, chills, and...he was throwing up when they called the healer in to look at him. According to his missive he should be fully recovered in a few days. This illness hits quickly and it packs a punch, I'm afraid. Here's hoping you don't catch it yourself, Fire Lord Zuko."

"Yeah. Be sure to send him my sympathies. Perhaps some flowers and a card?" Zuko said with a wave of his hand.

"I've already seen to it," Fen said with a bow. Zuko ignored him. He was staring at her.

She was swaying again. The tremble in her legs was getting worse and she was starting to get dizzy. No, not just dizzy. The world felt strangely dim. As if she were watching Zuko through a long tunnel. She blinked back dark spots on her vision and felt sweat sliding down her skin, beading up on the white paint on her brow. She flexed her fingers, feeling cold straight down into the core of her body, despite the layers of her armor.

"Suki?"

"Yes, Zuko?"

"Are you-" he started, but she cut him off.

"I'm fine. We shouldn't leave Mayor Yukishima waiting. You know how offended he gets," she said thickly and—she winced—with a slight slur that she hoped he hadn't noticed.

She could tell by the look on his face that he had though. Zuko's eyes were narrowed in suspicion, his gaze flicking down her body. She felt annoyance embarrassment go through her. And something else. She was all too used to the thrill that shot through her skin and settled behind her heart when Zuko looked at her. She was good at ignoring it, usually, but her defenses her down.

Fen walked past her and opened the door of the office, stepping into the hallway. Suki grabbed for the door and missed it, stumbling forward as the world tilted on its axis.

She was vaguely aware of Zuko's arms suddenly around her, holding her up.

"Whoa!"

"S-sorry, I tripped," she said, looking up into his worry-filled eyes. He was so close she could count his eyelashes. His hands felt warm on her body and she shivered, tempted to wrap herself around him to feel that warmth down in her frozen bones. Instead, she put her weight back down on her heels, putting her hands flat on his chest.

Her heart pounded as his gaze met hers for one long moment.

"Suki—" he started, but she pushed herself back with trembling arms.

"Clumsy..." she mumbled, and reached for the door. He grabbed it before she could and opened it for her, putting one hand on her back to gently guide her through it. Her clammy face burned with humiliation.

 _I am not sick. Just one more hour. Just put one foot in front of the other. Just get through your shift. And don't look him in the eyes._

Fen was waiting on them, studying his schedule for the day with an intensity bordering on obsessive. He glanced up at them as they joined him, but didn't seem to sense that something had happened between them in Zuko's office.

 _Not that anything is happening between us,_ she thought stupidly and then shook her head a little. Which turned out to be a huge mistake. The dark spots on her vision seemed to be coming back.

As they walked, Zuko purposefully refused to take his rightful place two paces in front of her. Protocol demanded she walk behind him at all times; Zuko liked to buck protocols as often as possible, especially with her, but this time she knew he was doing it to keep an eye on her. She could still feel Zuko's hand on her back, but he seemed very far away all of a sudden.

Everything seemed very far away. The tunnel was back, and she was falling into it.

"The Council meeting will likely be short, due to Osamu's absence, but I know they're going to want to discuss the trade agreement with the Northern Water Tribe again," Fen was saying, his boots clacking on the marble floors.

Suki was barely listening. The floor was buckling beneath her as she walked and she let out a shaky breath. The black spots were growing. She blinked them back, but they wouldn't leave. Sweat beaded on her skin and she felt her stomach lurching as the world tipped.

Something was wrong. Very, very wrong.

" _Zuko._.." she gasped as the blackness slipped over her, and her eyes rolled up in her head.

* * *

The soft exhale of his name was the only warning he got before Suki's whole body slumped forward, like a puppet with cut strings. His arms were around her in an instant though, catching her around the waist and pulling her against him as gently as he could.

"Suki! SUKI!" he said, frantic as worry and fear exploded in his middle. Fen whipped around and let out a high-pitched screech at the scene.

"Captain! What happened? Assassins?" Fen exclaimed, lifting his leather case over his head like a shield. "Is she shot?"

"No, she fainted," Zuko grunted, pulling Suki's limp body against his chest. He went down on one knee, turning her over to face him. Her head flopped back against his arm, throat exposed. He could see the sweat on her skin, beading up through her paint. Her red mouth was slack. He lifted her eyelids with one finger and saw the whites of her eyes. He cupped her face and tried to shake her a little, but she didn't respond.

Another shot of fear went through him like lightning.

"Fainted? The _Captain?_ "

" _I knew it_ ," Zuko said through his teeth, shaking his head as he took her golden half-helm off and set it aside. He put his bare hand on her forehead. "She's burning hot. I knew it. I could tell something was wrong. She wasn't acting like herself. Damn stubborn woman... Why didn't she tell me?"

"It's probably that virus that's going around," Fen said, bending down beside him. "Careful, sire. You might catch it. I should send for a—"

"I've been around her all day. I've already been exposed," Zuko cut him off as he eased her down onto her back on the cool marble floor. He gently put her head down, pushing her sweat-soaked hair out of her face with care.

"Still! You could get sick!" Fen was saying, but he ignored him, cupping Suki's face as if he could pour the strength of his fear and worry into her. As if that might wake her up.

"Suki... Suki? Sukes, come on... You're scaring the shit out of me," he said, and his voice cracked a little. He'd never seen Suki like this before. She was always so in control, so focused. He'd known something was wrong in his office, when she'd looked him with her eyes all glassy. Gulping, he pulled off Suki's gloves one by one and tossed them aside. Then he reached for the buckle on Suki's belt.

"I hardly think undressing her is going to help, sire!"

"She's burning up inside this damn armor and it'll be easier carrying her to the ward without it. Besides, they'll take it off of her there anyway," Zuko said impatiently, pushing her belt open, her fan and sword clacking as they fell to the floor. Then he reached for the buckles on her armor.

"I'll call a guardsman. He can take her to—"

"I can do it," Zuko said shortly as he sat her up like a drunken doll and carefully slipped the armor off over her head. He set it aside and then draped her limp arm around his shoulder, putting one arm around torso, the other scooping up beneath her legs.

Then, with a lurch, he stood. Suki was dead weight in his arms, but she wasn't as heavy as he thought she might be. She looked tiny without her armor, actually. Frail, even, but maybe that was just the sickness. She shivered against him as he cradled her against his chest.

He was trying not to panic. Trying to tell himself that it was just the stomach thing that was going around. Osamu had fainted. He'd seen a guardsman do the same thing last week. She was going to be okay.

He tried to tell himself that, but his rationale had flown out the window the minute Suki had fainted, and he knew it. _Suki_ didn't faint. Suki was strong. Suki was his rock. His friend. His... But he stopped that thought, burying it beneath his fear.

She needed him. Nothing else seemed to matter.

"Sire, the Mayor?" Fen said, wringing his hands as Zuko turned toward the healing ward. He stopped and turned back to his secretary.

"Damn. Tell him I have a personal emergency. Reschedule."

"He'll be angry!"

"I honestly don't care. And clear the rest of my day."

"Cancel the Council meeting too?"

"Yes, and take the Captain's things to her room when you're finished. And find Ty Lee. Send her to Suki's suite and tell her to wait for me there," Zuko said decisively.

"Sire, I'm not sure it's..."

"It's what?" he challenged Fen, who looked like he had a lot to say all of a sudden. His secretary caught the look in his eyes though and stopped himself.

"Nevermind, sire. It doesn't matter."

"You have my orders," Zuko said and then spun on his heel and took off for the healing ward, leaving Fen staring holes in his back. He held Suki against him as he went down the staircase, passing several servants who gaped at him, and a few of his guardsmen who bowed as they passed.

No one stopped him though, or commented on the strange sight of the Fire Lord carrying his unconscious chief bodyguard in his arms like she might break if he held her too tightly. Her head lolled limply against his shoulder.

"When you wake up, I'm going to kick your stubborn ass," Zuko mumbled to mask the fear rolling through him. "Just wake up first. Please."


	2. Chapter 2

**PART TWO**

* * *

The healing ward was crowded, the smell of vomit and sickness redolent in the air. It turned Zuko's stomach the moment he shouldered the door open and carefully walked through it, making sure not to bump Suki's head against the frame. She hadn't stirred once on the short journey through the palace, which set off a whole host of panicked thoughts in Zuko.

As the door of the ward closed behind him, he stopped dead in his tracks, eyes widened at the crowded waiting room. There were guardsmen, nobles and servants of every sort sitting in chairs, some of them bent over buckets. A guardsman near the door looked like he was two seconds from fainting like Suki had. Every healer in the palace seemed to be on duty, hastily taking full buckets and cleaning up messes as best they could.

A woman moaned and pushed a healer out of the way, running for the toilets. The door banged shut behind her. It was chaos and sickness and utter human misery. He'd known the flu was taking its toll on the palace, but he hadn't known it was _this_ bad.

One of the healer's passed him, and then stopped and came back, reaching for Suki's eyelids. "A fainter?" he asked in a brusk voice.

"Yes, she just collapsed," Zuko said tightly. "Is she going to be all right?"

"Yeah, they're falling down left and right."

"But is she going to be all right?" Zuko insisted.

"Depends," the healer mumbled, checking Suki's pulse.

"Depends on what?" Zuko snapped, all of his worst fears flooding him. The healer glanced up at him for the first time and then did a double-take as he recognized him. The man snapped to attention with a gasp.

"Fire Lord Zuko! I didn't realize-"

"Depends on _what?_ " Zuko said through his teeth. The healer gaped at him, and then down at Suki and seemed to catch himself. He shook off his startlement and reached for Suki's wrist again. "What's wrong with her?"

"It's just the Fire Flu, sire. Like everyone else here."

"She's got a fever," Zuko said impatiently and then flinched when a man loudly retched into the bucket a healer shoved beneath is nose at the last minute. "Is... Is there some place we can take her?"

"All of the rooms are full," the healer started apologetically and then caught the thunderous look on Zuko's face. "But I'll double check! I'm... I'm sure that, uh-"

"That'll do, Pikon. I'll see to the Captain," a familiar, gravelly voice sounded from a doorway to Zuko's left. He turned his head and saw Nam-Kyu, the Royal Healer, standing stoop-shouldered in the doorway. Despite the chaos around her, the old woman looked unbothered, one age-spotted hand on her bony hip. "Well, boy? Are you coming?"

And with that she disappeared through the door, leaving Zuko to start, feeling as intimidated as he'd made Pikon only moments ago. Nam-Kyu had that way about her. He stumbled forward, picking his way through the patients, trying not to breathe too deeply. Pikon followed, opening the door for him. Beyond the door was a hallway lined with rooms, all of them apparently full. Healers were rushing in and out, carrying bedsheets and buckets, and a servant was moping the floor. Nam-Kyu was standing in front of an open door, impatience lining her face.

Zuko took Suki into the room, sweeping past Nam-Kyu, who tutted at him. The room was small but clean, identical to all of the other rooms on the ward. This one had been recently scrubbed down though. He could smell soap and alcohol, which was a nice change from the hot scent of sick in the waiting room.

"Put her on the bed," the old healer commanded. Zuko gently laid Suki down on the bed, his hand spreading on her neck as he eased her head down. He arranged her hands on her stomach.

"When did she faint?"

"A few minutes ago. About seven maybe? I don't know. She was acting strange and she stumbled, which is really unlike her. I knew something was wrong but she insisted that she was fine, but then she just fainted," Zuko babbled, hoping something he said would help. He took Suki's limp, clammy hand and held it tightly as Nam-Kyu came around the side of the bed and checked Suki's vitals.

"Did she vomit?"

"No."

"Hmm. Well, she will. They all do," Nam-Kyu groused, lifting Suki's eyelids. "The Fire Flu is nothing to trifle with, young Fire Lord."

Another jolt of panic hit him. "I thought it wasn't that bad. Just a stomach bug."

"Hmm, well, that depends," Nam-Kyu said.

"That's what that other healer said," Zuko snarled. "What the fuck do you mean by that?"

Nam-Kyu's eyebrows lifted as she turned to face Zuko's anger. "Calm down, boy."

"I am calm," Zuko said through his teeth. "As calm as I can be when the Captain of my guard is lying here unconscious and I can't get a straight answer from anyone about her condition!"

Nam-Kyu drew herself up, which wasn't far, and then crossed her arms over her chest. "For some, the Fire Flu is merely a severe, but brief illness. For others, it has the potential to be deadly."

That was the last thing he wanted to hear. He felt the floor drop out from beneath him. "She could die?"

"Don't panic," Nam-Kyu said mildly. "It's highly unlikely that Captain Suki will die of the illness. Only the old, frail and the very young are at risk, as their bodies cannot fight off the sickness as effectively as a healthy person can. Captain Suki is strong and young. She'll recover."

"Is it possible that she could die though?" Zuko said, pulling Suki's limp hand to his chest, wrapping both of his hands around hers.

Nam-Kyu's lips twisted a little and she drew in a short breath. "Well, yes. But only if she dehydrates, or if a high fever is left untreated. There's always a chance that could happen, if someone is not there to see to it that she gets enough fluids and medication. But barring that, I have no doubt she'll make a full recovery."

The healer's words did little to soothe him. There was a chance Suki could die. It was the only thing he could hear. He stared at her face, beautiful despite the sweat streaking her makeup. He reached out and smoothed her hair back from her forehead. A lump was forming in his throat.

"And you'll take care of her?" Zuko said softly. "You'll make sure she's okay?"

"I'll treat her fever now, and then have her taken back to her suite," Nam-Kyu said, getting into the cabinet and riffling around. His blood ran cold.

"Wait, you're not going to keep her here?"

"I haven't got the space, boy. That's the policy. Treat and release. She'll be more comfortable dealing with the more unpleasant side effects in her own room, and I need the limited space we have for the patients who are much worse off. However, she'll need someone to make sure she drinks plenty of fluids, and to monitor her temperature and administer a fever reducer. If her vomiting gets worse, or her fever won't go down, then we'll see about admitting her."

"Someone has to watch her?"

Nam-Kyu pulled out a large bottle of something syrupy and red, along with another smaller, empty bottle, and a box of powdered medicine in paper packets.

"Yes. She's going to be weak for a few days. She'll find it hard to get out of bed. She won't be hungry, but it's important that she drinks plenty of liquids. She's going to be throwing up anything you put in her and what doesn't come out of her mouth is going to come out of her backside. She's going to be fairly miserable."

Zuko's face flushed red at that. "When will she wake up?"

"Right about now," Nam-Kyu said, turning and shoving smelling salts beneath Suki's nose. The affect was near-instantaneous, as Suki moaned and jerked her head away from the caustic smell. Her eyes fluttered open as Zuko leaned in.

"Suki...?"

"Zuko? Zuko...I..." Suki croaked, turning her head to stare into his eyes. She looked unfocused, dazed and feverish. "What happened?"

"You fainted, baby," he murmured, and then caught himself. What had he just said? "Uh, I mean, you fainted, Suki."

But Suki didn't seem to notice, although he thought he heard Nam-Kyu mumble something in an amused tone. He tuned her out and cupped Suki's face, his thumb rubbing her cheek.

"Fainted? I don't faint," Suki said weakly and then made a weird retching noise in her throat. The next moment, Nam-Kyu darted forward, rolling Suki onto her side and shoving a basin under her nose. Just in time too, because Suki started vomiting the moment she was rolled over.

Zuko winced and turned away as Nam-Kyu soothed her.

"There, there. Get it all up," the healer murmured, pushing Suki's damp hair back from her face. Suki moaned and stopped, and then started again. Like the patients in the waiting room, it seemed never to end. Worry gnawed at Zuko's own gut, turning his stomach as the stench filled the room.

After a few minutes, Suki's strength seemed to fail her and she collapsed on her side, breathing hard, sweat drenching the back of her green uniform.

Nam-Kyu set the full basin aside, then turned to the little sink, wet a clean cloth and came back to Suki. She wiped at Suki's mouth with it and patted her on the shoulder.

"That better?"

Suki nodded a little, her eyelids half-drooping closed.

"What's wrong with me?"

"You've got the Fire Flu, my dear. The Fire Lord was kind enough to bring you to me when you fainted. I think he's half out of his mind with worry, but don't fret. I'll make sure you're taken care of. You're going to have a rough week, but you'll be back in your feet in no time." Nam-Kyu turned back to the sink. She washed her hands and then poured a glass of water from the tap. She dropped powder into it and stirred it. "Would you sit her up a little for me?"

"Of—of course," Zuko said, sitting down on the bed and scooping Suki up against his shoulder. Her hand found his and he squeezed her limp fingers gently.

"You don't have to stay," Suki said weakly, looking up at him.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he said seriously, looking into her eyes. Suki's smudged lips turned into a watery smile and she took a shaky breath as Nam-Kyu turned back to them.

"Drink all of this," the old healer commanded, her voice brooking no arguments. She held the glass out to Zuko, who took it uncertainly. He turned questioning eyes on the woman. "I put medicine in it. It should help that fever of hers."

Zuko nodded and brought the glass to Suki's lips. She drank it down slowly, sip by sip, as if afraid she might throw up again. Zuko had to admit that he was afraid of that too, but she kept the water down. When she was finished, Nam-Kyu came over with a spoonful of the syrupy red liquid.

"This takes like shit, but it'll help," she said with sympathy in her gravelly voice.

"I... I don't need that. Honestly, I'm feeling better already..." Suki started, trying to get up, but she was too weak. She slumped back against Zuko's shoulder.

"Suki, you're sick. Stop being stubborn and take the medicine. For me?" Zuko said, combing his hands through her hair, trying to soothe her. Suki hesitated, glanced at him and then back at the healer, and then opened her mouth. Nam-Kyu spooned the medicine into her mouth and Suki made a face at the taste. She looked like she really was going to throw up again.

Nam-Kyu sensed it too, and handed Zuko an empty basin from the cupboard. He took it automatically, watching Suki carefully, but she seemed too exhausted to move, let alone throw up.

"What now?"

"You can leave her here. I'll send for a servant to take her to her suite and see to her needs. Someone will have to monitor her fever and make sure she's getting enough liquids, and administer the medication I'll be sending back with her."

"I can do all of that."

Nam-Kyu turned to him, eyebrows rising and creating a map of wrinkles in her forehead. "You've done enough, Fire Lord Zuko. I should think you have other duties to attend to. She'll be fine under the care of a servant or perhaps one of her girl friends. I doubt you mean to care for her yourself. Your Majesty."

There was something biting in the healer's tone, a disbelief there that Zuko didn't like in the slightest. He bristled at the implication and held Suki closer to him.

"What if I do take care of her?"

Nam-Kyu's eyebrows rose. "I'm sure the Captain doesn't want you to imposition you."

"The Captain is right here," Suki said tiredly, her voice thready. Zuko looked down at her, brushing a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. "Zuko, she's right. I'll be fine. You have your duties. You can go."

Zuko stared down at her, trying to see the sense in what they were both saying, but Nam-Kyu's words were still echoing in his ears, and the fear at seeing Suki faint dead away hadn't left him yet. He doubted it ever would. Seeing her now, limp limbed, sick to her stomach, her hand so soft in his, her blue eyes half-mast with exhaustion, shining with fever, he knew one thing with certainty: he could not, would not leave her.

Not to the care of some servant, who might make a mistake. Who might not force the stubborn Captain to take her medication. Who might let her get dehydrated. Who might not care about her the way he cared about her.

If there was even the slimmest chance of Suki dying from this stupid flu, he wasn't about to leave that up to the hands of a stranger.

"I'm not leaving you," Zuko said gently and then turned to Nam-Kyu, his voice hardening. "I'm not leaving her."

The healer assessed him with an inscrutable expression on her face. Then she nodded, her eyes twinkling, as if Zuko had done something she had expected all along. She turned back to the counter.

"Right then. You should know there's a chance you could catch the illness from her."

"I've already been around her all day."

"Then what's done is done," Nam-Kyu said, pouring more of the red syrup into the empty bottle. "She'll need to take a spoonful of this liquid every four to six hours until her symptoms stop. You'll also have to see that she gets a dose of this powder at the same time. One packet per glass of water. She's going to be vomiting. A lot. She won't want to drink. Make her anyway. If she won't drink or can't keep anything down, bring her back to me."

"What will you do?"

"Give her fluids directly. With a needle," Nam-Kyu said mildly.

"You can do that?"

"I've already done it four times this morning, and I have a fifth one hooked up right now, but those are all extreme cases. Four have them are elderly. The fifth is a child of one of the cooks."

"Are they going to be okay?"

"I believe so, but you can see why we don't have the room to accommodate everyone. After all, this isn't a hospital. I've gotten used to treating Firebending burns, fixing broken bones and stitching up cook's fingers over the years, but we're not set up for a flu outbreak."

"You're doing a great job."

"Hmmph. We'll see. Anyway, your little friend's fever is going to come and go. She'll get the chills. Warm her as best you can. If the fever lasts more than a few hours, and the medicine won't break it, then bring her back here, or send for me personally. If you get sick, boy, I'll attend you myself."

"Let's hope that doesn't happen," Zuko snorted.

"Yes, let's," she retorted. "Babying my patients has never been my strong suit."

"Is that it?"

"Unfortunately, no. Not to be crude or to embarrass the Captain, but in addition to the vomiting, she's going to have diarrhea. She's going to be very weak and will have trouble getting to the bathroom on her own."

Zuko's face burned. He glanced down at Suki, who seemed to only be half-listening, feverish as she was. Her eyes were slowly closing as she relaxed into his arms. "I can... I can handle that."

Nam-Kyu looked from him to Zuko and then sighed, putting her hand on her bony hip. "Are you sure about this, boy? She's not in a state to argue with you much, but I'm fairly certain the Captain would prefer you didn't do this."

"Why not? I'm her friend," he bristled. "If I were sick, I know Suki would take care of me. She's done it before. That time I had that cold? She didn't leave my side all week. She brought me soup and made sure I took my medicine. If she can do that for me, then I can do this for her. I want to. I..." He felt that lump in his throat again, as he looked down at her. Suki's eyes had closed and she was breathing shallowly, her head tucked against his neck. His chest had a weird ache in it. "I can't leave her."

"I can see that," Nam-Kyu said softly, pursing her lips. "You care for her a great deal."

Zuko looked up at her, a little startled at the tone in her voice. "Of course. We've been friends for a long time. And she's... She's the girlfriend of one of my best friends. I know Sokka would want me to make sure she was taken care of."

For some reason, the thought of Sokka made Zuko feel a jolt of guilt. He didn't know why, but he didn't like it.

"Oh, I'm sure he would. So long as you know what you're doing, Fire Lord Zuko."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing," Nam-Kyu said, patting him on the arm. "If you'll excuse me, I'll get a servant to help you take her back to her room."

And with that, the stoop-shouldered healer left the room, leaving Zuko to stare down at Suki's sleeping face. He brushed his hands over her hot, feverish skin and pulled her against him a little tighter.

"Don't worry, Suki. I'm going to take good care of you."


	3. Chapter 3

**PART THREE**

* * *

Ty Lee was pacing the corridor in front of Suki's suite, her arms crossed over her chest as her boots clonked on the marble. When she spotted Zuko turning the corner, Suki cradled in his arms and a servant trailing behind them, her eyes popped open and she raced toward them.

"Captain? Are you okay?"

"She's got the Fire Flu," Zuko explained, glancing down at Suki's drawn face as she shifted her head on his shoulder. She'd woken up on the journey from the overcrowded healing ward, though he'd tried not to jostle her. The servant following them had attempted to carry Suki himself, but Zuko hadn't allowed it.

"I'm okay," Suki said weakly. "Zuko's overreacting."

Ty Lee's eyebrow quirked as she took in Suki's sweaty face, damp hair and feverish eyes. "Well, he wouldn't be Zuko if he didn't. You know he's a drama queen."

"Hey..."

Ty Lee flashed him an impish grin and then gestured to the door of Suki's suite. "Let's get her to bed."

He carried Suki into the neat little room and set her down on the edge of the bed, as Ty Lee went over to Suki's wardrobe and pulled out clothing and a robe. The servant came in, unobtrusively putting his armload of supplies onto the little table next to Suki's bed. One of those items was a bucket, which the servant set next to the bed. Zuko noticed the armor and gloves he'd taken off of Suki when she'd first fainted sitting on the organized desk against the wall, telling him that Fen had already come and gone.

Zuko crouched down in front of Suki, who was looking a little green again.

"Let's get these boots off, huh?"

"You don't have to-"

But he was already unlacing her boots and pulling them off one by one. He set them aside as Ty Lee hovered at his elbow. He looked up and saw Suki smiling at him tiredly. "Thank you."

"Anytime," Zuko said, pulling his own gentle smile, trying to reassure her. He awkwardly patted her knee.

"Zuko..." Suki started and then gulped, her whole body shuddering as she lifted her hand to her mouth, shoving him back with her other hand as hard as she could.

It wasn't far enough. She threw up all over him.

An hour later, Suki was nestled under the covers of her bed, slipping slowly into an exhausted, feverish sleep. Servants had come and gone, having scrubbed the floor of her bedroom clean. The smell of lemon-scented cleaner filled the air, which was a lot more pleasant than the smell of vomit had been.

He'd been too concerned with Suki to care much about the fact that she'd puked on him, even though she'd moaned her apologies from her overhang of the bucket the servant had tossed at him seconds after she'd unleashed.

He'd have to remember to give that servant a raise, for being so quick on the draw. After Suki had stopped, he and Ty Lee had helped her into the bathing room. Ty Lee had firmly shoved him out of the room after that.

Not that he minded; there were just some things that were none of his business. He'd used that as his opportunity to order the place scrubbed down, and he'd slipped out of the room to get himself a fresh change of clothing.

No one said anything to him on the way to his suite, though Aiko and Qing, two of the Kyoshi Warriors materialized out of nowhere and followed him the whole way. He knew they were doing their duty, but they were also concerned about their Captain, so he filled them in. Neither of them mentioned the vomit on his robes, though he saw Qing's nose wrinkling at the smell.

The Warriors waited at the door of his suite while he gave himself a quick scrub and changed into more practical clothing. He was just pulling on a pair of soft, worn boots when Fen knocked on the door.

"The Mayor was not happy," Fen said by way of greeting, patting down his slicked hair in that fussy way of his.

"Like I care," Zuko snorted, shoving his foot into his boot. "Did you reschedule our meeting?"

"Next week."

"Good."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to take care of Suki," he explained, tugging the crown out of his hair and crossing the room to put it into the ornately carved box he kept it in when he wasn't wearing it. He locked the box and turned around to see Fen staring at him in tacit disapproval. "What?"

"Sire... Are you sure that's wise? You could get sick yourself."

He sighed. "I've already been exposed, so the damage is done. But Suki's _really_ sick, and I can't just leave her, so cancel everything on my schedule for the next...three days."

"Three _days?_ " Fen exclaimed.

"Yes. I may have to extend it further. It depends on how Suki's feeling. I'll let you know. If there's an emergency, I'll be at the Captain's suite."

"Uhhh..." Fen looked like he wanted to protest, but wasn't sure how to craft his argument against the Fire Lord. "And what should I tell the Council? That you're spending the week in the Captain's suite?"

Zuko felt annoyance flash through him, his face burning a little. "You make it sound like we're having a tawdry affair. Nam-Kyu told me that if she's not taken care of properly, she could get sick enough to die. I won't let that happen. She's my friend, Fen. I won't be able to focus on anything else while she's ill."

Fen softened a little at that. "I know she's your friend..."

"Yes, she is," he said matter-of-factually, ignoring the curious ache in his chest. "We've been friends for a long time. I'd... I'd do anything for her."

The look on Fen's face was peculiar, but he couldn't fathom what the man was thinking. So instead, he drew himself up and headed out the door of his suite, Qing and Aiko falling into step with him, Fen's disapproval trailing behind him like a noxious cloud as he made a beeline for Suki's suite.

Now, sitting in a chair at Suki's bedside, that disapproval still lingered as he studied Suki's face. Ty Lee had washed the paint off, and now her face was pallid pale, with purpling shadows beneath her eyes. Her brow was screwed up as fever dreams took her. They'd managed to get her to drink some more water before she'd laid down, but how long she'd keep that down was anyone's guess.

The freshly cleaned bucket was sitting on the floor between his feet and the bed. He knew he had to be ready at any moment to put it under her nose if she started retching.

"She threw up some more in the bathroom, but it was into the privy, so it wasn't much of a mess. I got her cleaned up and changed after that," Ty Lee said from the other side of the bed, casting a tight-lipped smile at Suki, then leveling her large hazel eyes on him. "Zuko, you don't have to stay."

"I'm not leaving," he said stubbornly.

"I can take care of her just fine," Ty Lee started.

"I know that," Zuko said and rubbed at the back of his neck. "It's just..."

"Just what?"

He stared at Suki's face, remembering the way she'd collapsed in the hallway, the way she'd said his name before her knees had turned to water and he'd caught her in his arms. She had scared him half to death. He was _still_ scared half to death.

"She fainted," he said softly, reaching forward and taking Suki's limp hand in his. "She's really sick, Ty Lee. And yeah, I know it's stupid, maybe, that she's probably not in any danger. She's strong and she's going to get better in a few days, just like everyone else, but the idea of just... Just walking out of here and leaving her to someone else to care for? I can't stand the thought. I _have to_ make sure she's okay, Ty Lee."

"I know you care about her, Zuko."

 _More than care,_ a little voice echoed inside his head, but he pushed it away and guiltily put her hand back down on the blankets. Her hand twitched, reaching for his fingers again and he glanced at her face as she just moaned a little, lashes fluttering against her cheeks. He took her hand again and she settled back into sleep with a soft sigh.

"Yes, I do. Besides...Sokka would want me to make sure she's taken care of."

"I'm sure _her boyfriend_ would."

There was something pointed in Ty Lee's tone, something that made Zuko feel guilty, for some reason. He brushed the feeling aside, but his thoughts lingered on Sokka. Should he write to him? Was she sick enough to warrant that? Would Sokka come rushing to be at Suki's side if he did?

A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed hard, trying to clear it, the image of Sokka at Suki's bedside vivid in his mind. Sokka holding Suki's hand, brushing her hair back. Suki smiling at him. Suki in Sokka's arms...

Zuko's jaw set, a distinct ache in his chest, a fire in his belly that seemed to swell with each beat of his heart. He glanced at Suki and then away.

No, he decided, she wasn't _that_ sick. Nam-Kyu hadn't thought she was that sick, anyway, despite the slim possibility that her condition could worsen. Suki would be fine. _He_ would make sure she would be fine, and it wouldn't do to worry Sokka unnecessarily.

"Well, if you're not leaving, then I'm not leaving," Ty Lee said, sitting down on the other side of the bed.

"You don't have to stay," Zuko said quickly.

"Right, so you're going to help her into the bathroom when she has to go?"

He thought of what Nam-Kyu had said about the nastier symptoms, and grimaced. "Umm..."

"That's what I thought," Ty Lee said with a cheeky grin and then reached over and pushed Suki's hair out of her face. She was quiet for a moment, her face turned toward Suki, but her eyes slyly studying him as he stroked the back of Suki's limp hand with his thumb. "You know, people are going to talk, Zuko."

"About what?"

"About you refusing to leave your bodyguard's bedside."

His eyes narrowed. "Why would they care? My friend is sick. Everyone knows we're friends. What could they gossip about?"

"Zuko, don't be naïve," Ty Lee said, dropping her usual cheer as her face went grim. "You know what the rumor mill is like in this place. You know the cruel things people can and will say, what they'll make up just to make the story juicier."

And he did know. He'd heard all kinds of nasty rumors and remarks thrown at Ty Lee's back after she'd come out as a lesbian, something that hadn't set well with some of the more judgmental members of his court. He'd seen first hand the cruelty and damage that words could do, and how that had affected Ty Lee. He'd always thought that nothing could shake Ty Lee's optimistic outlook for long, but for a while there, before he'd found a way to intervene on her behalf for good, he'd been terrified of the dark cloud that had touched his friend. Rumors had nearly destroyed her. He knew their power.

"What are you trying to say?" he said, even though he knew damn well what she was hinting at.

Ty Lee's face screwed up a little, but she plowed on. "I'm saying... Since you and Mai broke up last year, the courtiers have been waiting to pounce on any kind of gossip about your love life. Your Council keeps bringing up marriage and heirs. They're just waiting for you to throw them something, anything. _Scraps_ would do at this point and you've given them nothing."

His brow arched. "Is my love life that bleak?"

A smile hinted at Ty Lee's lips, as she glanced down at Suki. "You're practically a priest, Zuko. But that's not the point. The point is... You have to be careful. Someone might get the wrong impression."

"About... Me and Suki?" he said, and felt a lump in his throat, his imagination sparking for a moment, then he shut it down. "Everyone seems so concerned about our friendship today..."

"Look, I know you two are just friends. So does Suki. So does anyone who knows you, but the people that will talk _don't_ know you. They see a man and a woman as close as the two of you are and they automatically think there's something going on there."

"But there's not."

Pain shot through him as he said it, and he realized it was something like longing, and bitter regret. It confused him.

"They don't care about the truth, Zuko, and you know that. Just... Don't give them anything to use against you. I don't want to see you get hurt. Not like I was."

Zuko thought a long moment, watching Suki's sleeping face. "I don't care about me. I'm the Fire Lord. I'm used to criticism and gossip about one thing or another... But I don't want them to say anything bad about Suki. She doesn't deserve that."

"No, she doesn't."

"If I stay they'll talk," he said and rubbed at his eyes with his free hand.

"Probably."

"I don't want to leave her."

"She'll understand _why_."

Zuko hung his head, staring at Suki's hand in his. He blew out a breath and gently put Suki's hand back down on the covers. "Fine, I'll-" he started.

He was cut off by Suki groaning and then making a sick retching noise. He dived for the bucket, grasping her and rolling her onto her side as her stomach rebelled yet again.

None of it landed on him this time, but the sour smell filled the room, as did Suki's miserable moaning, which turned into a sob as she finally stopped. She was sweating when he put down the bucket and pushed back her hair.

Her eyes were watery, her skin burning hot. She was starting to sweat again, and there was a shake in her hands as she breathed heavily and grasped at the gentle hands that cradled her face and encircled her.

"Zuko... M'sorry..."

"It's okay," he said softly, gesturing to Ty Lee with a nod of his head. Ty Lee got up and poured a glass of juice from the side table. She passed it to Zuko, who took it with his free hand. He held her up with the other, as Ty Lee sat on the bed and propped her up. "You need to drink this."

"No..."

"I'm not taking no for an answer," Zuko said gently, but firmly. Suki's fevered gaze met his and something of her usual self lingered there, in the amusement touching her brow.

"Tyrant."

"I've been called worse," he grinned and put the glass to her lips. "Now drink this."

She made a grumbling noise, but took tiny sips from the glass, until it was half-empty and he was satisfied. He put the glass down and lowered her back onto the pillows slowly, so as not to jostle her too much. Ty Lee took the bucket from him and went into the bathroom to empty and rinse it, leaving him to pull the blankets up to her chin.

Suki stared at him sleepily, reaching out her hand and taking his again. "Don't leave me."

Zuko started, wondering suddenly if she'd heard his and Ty Lee's conversation. He'd thought she was asleep the whole time.

"I probably should."

But Suki laced her fingers with his and shook her head. "Please stay."

"If you need me to, then I will. Gladly."

"Not for me..." she said, as her eyelids drooped. "For you. Don't want you to worry..."

"I'll worry about you here or in my suite, it doesn't matter. Try and stop me."

"Never," she said with a ghost of a smile, wrapping both hands around his hand and pulling it to her lips. "Just don't go."

Zuko put his other hand over hers. "Never."

He could feel Ty Lee's pitying eyes on him from the doorway of the bathing room, but ignored it. The same way he ignored the ache in his chest as he watched Suki slip into sleep once more.


	4. Chapter 4

**PART FOUR**

* * *

"Boy, you're stubborn," Ty Lee grumped, dropping the spoon she'd been holding back into the bowl of bean curd soup. Suki, propped up on some pillows against the headrest, smiled at her wanly.

"I'm afraid I'm going to throw up again. I don't want to throw up again," she croaked in a tired voice. "Or...anything else."

"You have to eat though," Zuko said gently. "At least drink the broth. For me?"

Suki turned her head and met his gaze. "Have _you_ eaten today?"

Zuko nodded. "Not yet, but I will. Just as soon as you do, and not a moment before."

Suki's lips twisted. "That's blackmail."

"Open wide."

"I bet you say that to all the girls," Suki sighed.

"Just the ones I care about."

"Do you two need a moment?" Ty Lee interjected in a dry tone. They both looked at her and then back at each other. Suki laughed a little and then opened her mouth. Ty Lee wasted no time in shoving a spoonful of soup into her mouth.

"I can feed myself," Suki muttered after she'd swallowed, picking at the blankets with shaking hands.

"We already tried that, remember?" Ty Lee said gently. "Don't think I didn't notice you were only pretending to eat. I let you get away with it yesterday because you were still throwing up, but you stopped doing that last night, so no excuses."

"Sheesh, I'm eating, I'm eating..." Suki said, taking another spoonful. Contentment as seeing her eating filled Zuko from head to toe. She'd been throwing up most of the night, but the worst of that seemed behind her. She'd even thrown up on him again, but he'd managed to only get it on his hand, not his clothing. They'd both been relieved.

"It doesn't taste right," Suki said after swallowing another mouthful of soup.

"That's because you're sick, dummy," Zuko said, leaning back in his chair.

"M'not a dummy," she mumbled, making him smile. He watched as Ty Lee slowly fed the soup to her. It didn't take long before Suki waved Ty Lee off, pulling a face as she turned her head to the side.

Ty Lee sighed and dropped the spoon again. "Well, at least you ate some of it."

"You should get some rest," Zuko said as Suki took the glass of medicine-laced water he offered her. She took a drink, and he noticed how shaky her hands still were.

"The both of you should too."

"I slept in the chair earlier," Zuko said, shooting a glare at Ty Lee, who had stood and was carrying the tray of food over to the door.

"Don't give me that look, you were dead on your feet," she shot back at him.

"You let me sleep for six hours."

"And you obviously needed it," Ty Lee said, opening the door with one hand and then putting the tray outside the door for the servants to collect. She came back into the room and stretched. Then she yawned.

"You look like you could use some sleep too," Suki observed and Ty Lee immediately stifled her yawn.

"I'm fine."

"No, she's right. You've been on your feet since yesterday. I know you only napped for an hour last night, and you need to take care of yourself too."

"Seriously, Zuko, I'm fine," Ty Lee said in a chipper voice, but the bags under her eyes said it all. "Besides, what if Suki needs to go to the bathroom while I'm asleep?"

"Then I'll call for some assistance. I have a whole palace full of servants."

"I'm not an invalid," Suki piped up. "I can walk to the bathroom. Probably."

Zuko shot her a little half-smile. "If not, I can carry you."

"My dignity has gone out the window," Suki said, turning her head toward Ty Lee. She opened her mouth to say something else, but dissolved into a loud, dry coughing fit that seemed to take all of the energy out of her. Zuko handed her a handkerchief, and she gave him a grimacing smile.

"I should stay," Ty Lee said anxiously.

"No, get some sleep," Suki replied thickly.

"And some food. Fire Lord's orders. I can take things from here."

Ty Lee looked between them, obviously torn about something. Zuko had a feeling he knew what that something was. The conversation they'd had had been playing in the back of his mind ever since. It was clear Ty Lee thought she shouldn't leave them alone together.

"Are you sure?"

"It'll be fine. Don't worry," Zuko said, standing and crossing the room. He put his hand on Ty Lee's shoulder and gently guided her through the door.

Ty Lee hesitated, but Zuko could tell how exhausted she was. Suki had been up all night and most of the day and between fitful naps, bouts of vomiting and trips to the bathroom, Ty Lee had been fretting over her for the better part of two days. Ty Lee chewed on her lower lip, and then sighed in defeat.

"Okay, but I'll be back first thing in the morning."

"I'll see you then. Get something to eat."

"And send some food for Zuko," Suki croaked, downing the rest of her water.

"That too," Zuko agreed as Ty Lee nodded.

"I'll be back in the morning, Suki." Suki lifted a hand and waved in Ty Lee's vague direction, but the gesture seemed to exhaust her. Ty Lee glanced back at Zuko, a grim set to her mouth. She pitched her voice down so that Suki couldn't hear her. "Be careful, Zuko."

"I always am," he replied, making Ty Lee snort as she walked through the door and out into the hallway. "Goodnight."

"We'll see," Ty Lee replied and walked down the corridor, leaving Zuko to close the door behind her. He turned back to face Suki. She looked tiny in the large bed, the green and gold embroidered blanket pulled up to her chest, the pillows fluffed behind her. Her eyelids were drooping as she watched him walk away from the door.

"Thank you."

He looked at her in confusion as he lowered himself down into the brown leather chair at her bedside. "For what?"

"Sending her away. I love her to pieces but she's too damned chipper sometimes. I feel like crap and she's trying to tell me about how my aura already looks better. I needed a break."

"I don't annoy you?"

"All the time," she said and sent him a ghost of a smile. "But I like you anyway."

"I like you too," he said warmly, reaching out and taking her hand, which felt cold and clammy again. She started coughing again, a dry hack that sounded painful. "I think it's time for another spoonful of medicine."

"Ugh. I hate the way that stuff tastes."

"Tough," he said, reaching for the bottle and the spoon. He poured some out and let the thick syrupy liquid settle into the spoon.

"Could you get me some more water to wash it down with?" Suki said, taking the spoon from him.

"Sure."

He grabbed her glass and walked into the bathing room. When he came back out the spoon was sitting on the nightstand beside her, and she was making a face. He handed her the water and she drank half of it down in one gulp, then set it aside. Just drinking seemed to exhaust her even more.

"Need anything else?"

"No, I'm... I'm just really tired now. I slept all day, but I'm...exhausted."

"Let's get you comfortable then..."

She allowed him to rearrange the pillows behind her so that she could lay back down. He pulled the blankets to her chin and smoothed her hair back from her face.

"I'm cold," she said, curling up on her side, facing him. He caressed her forehead with the back of his hand; she was warm to the touch.

"Your fever's back. That medicine you just took should knock it out soon though. Why don't you try and get some more sleep? I'll be right here in this chair if you need me."

Suki nodded again and snuggled down under the blankets. A shiver wracked her shoulders though, as he sat back into the chair. She coughed again, but settled into sleep after a few moments.

He thought it might be a little creepy to watch her fall asleep, so he studied her suite, letting his mind and eye wander where it would for about a half an hour. He had a book beside him, one he had been reading to her off and on the past few days, but he ignored it and let his mind drift.

He liked her suite, how very much it was a reflection of who Suki was. It was neat and orderly, but soft somehow, in the ways that counted. Her weapons stand in the corner was filled with swords and fans, knives, shields, bows and arrows. A display of purely decorative fans covered one whole wall. Her desk was clean and small. A vanity mirror and a collection of brushes and makeups stood in the corner beside a fully stocked bookshelf. All of the books were worn at the spines, but well taken-care of. Another shelf held little bits and bobs; among them a collection of seashells, a feathered mask, a lantern with a Fire Nation symbol on it, two carved dragons, one made out of jade, the other ruby, a battered doll of Avatar Kyoshi, and a boomerang. On the wall over her bed she had a woven tapestry map of the Four Nations.

It was a Warrior's room, the home of a fighter, and the space of a beguilingly feminine woman. Mingling with the caustic stench of cleaners was the intoxicating scent of Suki's perfume. He could see the bottle on her makeup table. He wondered where she got it from. The scent seemed to haunt him sometimes; it lingered in rooms long after she'd left them. It was a warm, earthy scent, of flowers and sunlight. He loved it.

Zuko blew out a breath and turned back to watch Suki sleeping. She seemed to be curling in on herself, waves of shivers making her teeth chatter together. She moaned a little and pulled the blanket up to her ears.

Concerned, he slid to the edge of his seat and put his hand on her forehead. She was warmer than she had been before. Alarm bells went off in his head. The medicine should have kicked in by now.

A knock sounded on the door, startling him into removing his hand with a jerk. He rushed out of his seat and opened the door, only to find a servant standing there with a tray of food for him.

The smell of warm, savory food was nearly enough to distract him; it had been a long time since breakfast, which he hadn't eaten much of. He'd slept straight through lunch, curled up in Suki's chair. He pushed his hunger to the side though.

"Your dinner, Fire L-" the servant started, but Zuko cut the young man off as he quickly took the tray from him.

"I need you to run down to the healing ward and bring back a healer. Preferably Nam-Kyu, but if she's busy or asleep, bring anyone else back. Captain Suki has a fever and the medicine isn't working. Can you do that?"

The servant's eyes were wide. "Of course, sire! I'll go right away!"

Zuko watched as he turned on his heel and ran down the corridor, leaving Zuko to shut the door and bring the tray inside. He took the lids off of the covered dishes and picked at the food. Hungry as he was, his worry over Suki's suddenly raging fever was starting to twist his guts into knots. He put the lids back on before he'd had more than a few bites.

It took far too long for the servant to come back with a harried woman who looked to be in her thirties. She had shadows under her eyes and a highly stressed look about her, as if she too hadn't had much sleep or food lately.

Zuko dismissed the servant and ushered the healer inside. "Nam-Kyu?"

"I'm sorry, Fire Lord Zuko, but she's tending to some patients, so she sent me instead. I'm Satori."

"It's nice to meet you, Satori. How are the other patients?"

"Not good, I'm afraid. And we lost a patient this afternoon."

"What? Who?"

"One of the gardeners. Gen. He was in his late seventies, and not in very good health before this bout of Fire Flu hit. He didn't seek treatment until this morning either, so by the time Nam-Kyu started working on him it was too late. His body just gave up on him."

"Why didn't he seek treatment?"

Satori shrugged, but she looked sad. "He was a stubborn old thing. Probably thought he could beat it. One of his friends became concerned and called for a healer to come to his quarters. They brought him right back to the healing ward, but he was so dehydrated and his fever was so high that there wasn't much that could be done. He was unconscious when they brought him in, and passed without waking up again."

Zuko felt a little stunned as he glanced at Suki in the bed, tiny and shivering. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?"

"Gen had a son in the city. He's been contacted."

He nodded. "I'll arrange to pay for the funeral, then."

Satori's smile was tired but touched. She bowed to him. "That would be most kind, Fire Lord Zuko."

"It's the very least I can do," he sighed. "How many people have the Fire Flu?"

"At least a hundred in the palace alone. Four of our healers have come down with it since yesterday. Two of my own children have it, but they're on the mend now and out of danger. The healing ward is a bit overwhelmed, but Nam-Kyu runs a tight ship, and everyone's pulling their weight and then some. How is Captain Suki?"

Zuko turned to Suki again and watched as she moaned a little in her sleep. "She was throwing up most of yesterday and last night, but she stopped this morning. She slept most of the day, then woke up and was able to sit up and go to the bathroom. She even ate a little bit. She's been drinking plenty of liquids. I gave her more medicine, but now her fever is back and she's got the chills. I'm... I'm concerned."

It sounded lame to his ears, like he was a child who'd panicked the moment his parents were gone or something. As annoyingly chipper as Ty Lee could be, she also had a calming influence in emergencies.

Satori crossed the room and bent over Suki, checking her over as she slept. After a few minutes, she looked up at Zuko. "Her fever is a little higher than I'd like, but that's pretty typical for the Fire Flu. She took her medication?"

"Yes. The powder and the liquid, just before she went to sleep."

"How long has she been ill?"

"For about three, nearly four days now. Does that matter?"

"Some patients get a very high fever and intense chills in the third or fourth day of the illness, and even the medication doesn't help much. They just have to sweat the fever out. Once the fever does break though, the worst of the Fire Flu symptoms are over, and they recover most of their strength in another couple of days. We call it the quick burn. Not everyone experiences it, since the Fire Flu affects everyone differently. It's hard to predict, which is why this has hit us all particularly badly."

"So what should I do?"

"With this high a fever, you should dose her every two hours instead of four, and keep her warm. She's going to get the worst chills of her life. Put on more blankets and light a fire in the hearth. Whatever will keep her warm. She's going to be a bit insensible for a few hours. Make sure she drinks plenty of juice."

"And if it doesn't break?"

"If she doesn't start sweating and cooling off on her own by morning, then call for a healer again or bring her there yourself. I should be there all night and most of tomorrow morning, so I'll attend to the Captain if you bring her in. If her fever doesn't break we'll have to give her an ice bath and some intravenous liquids."

"Let's hope it doesn't come down to that."

"No, let's hope not. We've had to do that for five different people today alone. It's not fun and they do not enjoy it. Those are the worst cases though."

"How bad off is she?"

"She'll be fine, just make sure she stays warm and that the fever breaks sometime tonight, okay?"

Zuko shifted from foot to food. "Okay. Got it."

Satori left in a rush, leaving him behind to stare at Suki's shivering form in the bed. He suddenly wished that Ty Lee had stayed again, or that Satori had. He knew that she had to get back to the ward though. There were more patients to treat. Too many of them, it seemed.

Determination tightened his jaw as he knelt beside the bed, taking Suki's cold, shivering hand in his. He breathed on the backs of her fingers, closing his eyes as her perfume filled his senses.

"Okay, Suki... Let's warm you up."


	5. Chapter 5

**PART FIVE**

* * *

An hour later and Suki's fever and chills were definitely getting worse. She was shivering in place, moaning as she burrowed into the blankets he had piled on top of her. There was a roaring fire in the little hearth, and he fed it wood and handfuls of flame, until the room grew uncomfortably hot even for him.

And still she trembled.

She woke in fits, coughing deeply and looking at him through reddened, feverish eyes, barely seeing him now that the fever had taken hold of her. It had come on her so quickly, it was hard to believe she had been coherent just hours ago. He propped her up and tipped orange juice down her throat. She coughed on it, but he kept it up, until she'd swallowed half of the glass. Then he tried to get her to take a spoonful of the syrupy medicine she hated so much.

She tried to pull away from him then, turning her head to the side. Her lips were pale, brown shadows beneath her sunken eyes. She looked incredibly fragile and too wan for his liking. He cupped the back of her neck, pulling her against his shoulder as he held the spoonful of medicine to her lips.

"Please, Suki. You need to take this. Come on," he mumbled into her hair. She tipped her head back and stared into his eyes.

"Where's Sokka?" she slurred unexpectedly. He didn't know why he felt a lurch in his stomach all of a sudden.

"He's...uh... He's not here."

"Zuko?"

"Yeah, it's me. I need you to take this medicine for me."

"For you?"

"Yeah."

"M'cold."

"I know, I'm trying to warm you up."

"You're w-warm," she said, pushing her face into his chest. Her face slid along his neck, and he felt her breath against his skin. His hand tightened on the back of her neck, as a strange sensation unfurled in him. He swallowed hard and pressed his lips together. "Warm m-me up, Zuko."

"I'm trying," he said, though his voice cracked.

"You s-should hold me like this m-more often."

His eyes popped open at that. "Umm..." She blinked at him, tipping her head back. She looked completely out of it. "I think that's just the fever talking. Open your mouth."

To his surprise, she obeyed, opening her mouth just enough for him spoon in the medication. She made a face, but swallowed it. That done, he slowly lowered her back onto the bed, and pulled the mountain of blankets back over her. He started to walk back to the hearth, but Suki's weak hand caught his.

"Don't l-leave me," she chattered, her words running together in a thick, muzzy voice. He knelt down in front of her again.

"Never."

The minutes wore on as she coughed and shivered, her lower lip quivering, her teeth chattering now. She was clinging to his hand for dear life, pressing it to her face as if that might warm her.

An idea slowly occurred to him, and he swallowed, feeling suddenly as if the room were spinning around him.

Warm her up. He could do that with his chi if he held her while she slept. If he climbed into the bed with her and held her all night.

That felt wrong, somehow, and his conscience resisted the idea. It stuck like a burr though.

He thought of what Ty Lee had said, of how people were looking for excuses to gossip about him. What would those rumormongers say if they saw him in Suki's bed? What were they saying right now, he wondered? Surely it had gotten out by now that he was holed up in her room. That the Fire Lord was playing nursemaid to the Captain of his bodyguards. Several members of his Council had been to the door to check on him over the past few days, and their disapproval of his actions had been barely concealed. They'd clearly thought it was improper behavior...but why? What was so wrong with taking care of his friend, one of his best friends? Why did he have to worry about rumors at all?

And did he care about them? Should he care? It was all baseless drivel. Suki was his friend, that was all. He was just taking care of her. It didn't mean anything. If he climbed into her bed, it was just a friend helping a friend.

 _That's all it is_ , he repeated to himself in a firm voice, but the worry gnawing at his guts as he watched her sleeping told him something completely different. It had been telling him that for a while, but he didn't want to listen. There was a hard knot in his chest, an ache that demanded acknowledgment.

Suki moaned, burrowing further into the blankets, which seemed useless against the bone-deep chills wracking her frame. That decided him. He slipped off his boots and crossed to the other side of the bed, sliding beneath the thick pile of blankets and pulling her against his body.

At the touch of his warm hand, Suki rolled over immediately, seeking the heat of his body as he let his chi pour out of his skin in a wave of steady heat.

Suki curled against him, her brows furrowing as she burrowed for his warmth. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her against his length beneath the mountain of covers. Shivers coursed through her, her whole body shaking as the fever held her in its grip.

"Zuko? I'm so c-cold..." she mumbled, half-insensible.

"It's okay, I've got you. We'll get you warmed up in no time," he whispered to her and felt one of her hands on his chest, pushing inside of his loose shirt. Her skin was hot against his, as her fingers flattened on his chest. She pushed her face against his neck and huffed out a breath, then moaned against him. Her breath whispered across his skin and his eyes closed for a moment, basking in the sensation of her wrapped up in his arms.

His heart skipped a beat and again his conscience reared its ugly head and screamed warnings at him. Warnings he wanted nothing more than to ignore, but he knew what he was doing wasn't right somehow. Suki was in no condition to approve or disapprove of him climbing into bed with her, no matter what his intentions were. Not only that...but...

 _But it's wrong. Lying here with her, it's wrong and I know it is. It doesn't matter if I just wanted to warm her up. I'm still in her bed. She'd have every right to call me a pervert or something if she woke up. But... It's not like I'm taking advantage of her. Not that I would. She's just a friend._

But as the minutes wore on, and the fever burned through her, her chills slowly diminishing as she stole the warmth from his body, he found himself stroking her back, comforting her, murmuring her name in a soft, sleepy voice. The smell of her perfume, which clung to the covers, her skin, the very air he breathed, stole into his senses, filling him with a warm sense of comfort, of home, of calm.

A quiet, insidious voice in the back of his head spoke up then, telling him things he didn't want to know, didn't want to face. The thoughts he'd been pushing back for a long time crowded in on him. Here, in the dark, with Suki's breath on his neck, they would not be banished.

Something about Suki, about what she meant to him.

 _If Ty Lee were sick like this, would you take care of her in the same way? Would you hold her like this? Would you stare at her face in the darkness, trying to convince yourself she means nothing to you when you know it's a lie?_

Zuko tried to shut out the voice, but failed.

The voice was right. If Ty Lee had collapsed in the hallway instead of Suki, he would have carried her to the infirmary in worry. He may even have taken her back to her room, but he wouldn't have put his life on hold to care for her, to feed her soup, to hold back her hair when she threw up, to read to her. He wouldn't have curled up in her bed with her just to ward off the chill. His heart wouldn't have ached, watching the rise and fall of her chest beneath the covers.

He cared about Ty Lee, but it wasn't the same—something Ty Lee had been trying to tell him. Something his Council had been hinting at with their disapproval of his actions. He tried to think of anyone else he might done this for. Not Aang, not Katara, not Toph or Sokka, though he cared deeply for them all. The only time Mai had been sick she'd refused to even see him, and he'd been grateful for the excuse to stay away.

But not Suki. He hadn't been able to stand knowing she was sick, that she might need him. He'd ignored her pleas to leave. He had slept in an uncomfortable chair for three days. He had crawled into her bed to hold her when she couldn't stop shivering. His whole world had narrowed to revolve around her, and he had done it without thinking, without caring of the consequences. Not caring about anything but her.

Suki was _different._

But why?

Zuko stared at her in the darkness and felt a weight on his chest, a feeling in his stomach that had nothing to do with the illness plaguing her. He'd felt this feeling before, whenever he looked at Suki. He'd been able to ignore it, not sure what it meant, for months now. Maybe even years.

But now...

Now, as the night wore on and Suki slept in his arms, he came to an incredibly painful realization, one that didn't make him happy in the slightest. It him him like a battering ram.

 _She's different because I'm in love with her._

The truth sprang into his thoughts so easily that he wondered how long it had been lingering there, just waiting to be uncovered by his slow mind. His heart soared in agreement, and his whole body became polarized with the knowledge, the feeling, the absolute, utter, unmistakable truth of it. How had he not seen it? How on earth could he have missed it?

 _I'm in love with Suki._

Panic hit him the next moment, as her hot breath stirred against his neck. He tightened his arms around her and then released her as guilt followed a moment later, crashing down around him even harder than before.

 _What the hell am I doing? What the hell am I going to do? I can't be in love with her! She's my friend and not only that, but she's dating Sokka. It's ridiculous. She doesn't feel the same way, she can't._

He repeated that to himself over and over again, trying to will himself to get out of the bed, but the chills were still wracking her body and the way she clutched him to her stopped him. He didn't want to leave her. He wanted to lie there with her forever, to protect her.

But it was wrong and he knew it. He had no right to hold her like this, especially now.

 _What am I going to do? How do I fall_ out _of love with her?_

But he had no answers. He thought of Mai, and the disaster of their relationship. He couldn't remember falling out of love with Mai, but at some point after their breakup, and maybe even before that, his feelings for her had changed. The way he'd felt about her had just faded into a ghost of itself, and it had happened as naturally as breathing. He had never intentionally done it, he just _had._

So how did he go about purposefully falling out of love with Suki?

He tried to rationalize it, tell himself he was wrong, but the more he stared at her in the dark, the more he knew, with certainty, that it was true. Sometime, at some point, he had fallen deeply in love with Suki, and that love had driven him here, to this point. He couldn't believe he hadn't realized it.

He closed his eyes, trying to pinpoint the moment he had fallen, but he couldn't. Instead, little things, little moments, came to him in lurid flashes.

Suki's red-lipped smile as she made him laugh. The flick of a fan catching the light. Late night conversations stretched out on the floor of his suite. Her bare toes pointed toward the floor as she landed a back handspring. The way she always took the red noodles from his plate because she knew he hated them. The touch of Suki's hand on his shoulder, smoothing a wrinkle in his robes. Her solid presence at his side.

Her bending over the paperwork that had been driving him crazy, pointing out something he hadn't seen, and how very close their faces were when she turned her head. The earthy smell of her perfume and the way it would linger in rooms after she'd left. The tightness of her abdomen as she trained, every inch of her body a deadly, beautiful weapon. The gentle worry in her gaze as she soothed him. The heat of her anger; quick to ignite and even quicker to dissipate. The glint of red in her hair as the sunlight caught it. The dance of fire reflecting in her blue eyes.

Looking over a sobbing, clinging Ty Lee's shoulder at Suki and the heated, happy smile that spread across her face. He remembered that smile, with a gut-wrenching clarity, and the way it had affected him, even back then...long before Mai had broken up with him. How he had pushed those feelings aside, confused by them, not yet ready to face them.

 _Suki._

She filled his mind and his heart, his whole body with the feeling of comfort and home, and warmth, of gentleness and laughter, and happiness. He thought of how dark his days were when she wasn't there to greet him, how he seemed to come alive when she entered the room. How he would search for her gaze across crowded rooms. How just the sight of her calmed him. How easily he could talk to her about anything at all.

How had he been so blind to these feelings? How had it taken him this long to realize what she had come to mean to him? How had he not seen what Ty Lee had? That his worry over her illness wasn't just rooted in friendship, but in something else, something much deeper.

Did Ty Lee know? Or had she just guessed? Had she seen it in his eyes, when even he had had no clue?

 _I'm a fool. A damned fool... And I don't have a chance. None at all._

Suki stirred against him and his heart leaped as he expected her to wake up and (rightly) yell at him, but he realized after a few moments that she was still asleep. He became aware of his body and the heat beneath the blankets. Suki's body was starting to get slick with sweat. He reached up and put the back of his hand on her glistening brow. To his surprise, her skin was suddenly clammy and cold.

Her fever had finally broken. A smile dashed across his lips in the dark and he put his lips to her forehead. When he pulled back, she moaned and opened her eyes a little. She closed them a moment later though, sinking back into a fitful sleep.

His heart banged against his ribcage, trying to get out as he stared at her in the darkness, holding her to his chest, their limbs tangled. It was too intimate, and he knew it. It didn't matter that she was ill, it wasn't right. He should get out of the bed.

He couldn't make himself move though, and he found himself pushing her sweat-drenched hair back from her forehead, studying the graceful slope of her nose, the thick bristle of her eyelashes, the lush plumpness of her lips. He cupped her face gently as she opened her eyes again and gazed at him sleepily.

"Zuko?" she whispered softly, as her hands clutched at his clothing, pulling him closer.

"I'm here..."

"Zuko, I'll never leave you..." she moaned and wrapped her arm around him, pulling her body against his in a way that was entirely unmistakable. Zuko hitched in a breath and froze in place, feeling his body stirring. Despite the sweat on her skin and the dampness of her clothing, despite the memory of her vomiting on him, despite everything, his body awoke with interest, a rushing, roaring need clawing out of the darkest parts of his heart, demanding acknowledgment.

Zuko gulped and pulled his hips back from hers, as he felt himself growing hard. Disgusted with himself, he slowly untangled her hands from his clothing, and gently laid her head on the pillow. Then he slid out of the bed, and sank into a ball on the floor, his head in his hands as he willed away his unwanted reaction.

Suki rolled over in the bed, her hands groping for him as she pushed the covers away from her suddenly blazing hot body. Zuko climbed slowly to his feet, a look of pure misery across his face. Then he spun on his heel and walked into her bathing room. He lit the sconces on the wall with a wave of his hand, then walked over to the sink. He braced himself against the cool porcelain, a tremble in his limbs, his knuckles white. His mind was reeling, his heart a traitor, the long-ignored needs of his body completely of his control.

He splashed cold water on his face and stared at himself in the mirror. He looked like a haunted man. His cheeks were dark with stubble, his skin pale beneath it, pain in the corners of his eyes.

"So you're in love with her, so what?" he told his reflection. "She doesn't love you back. She's in love with Sokka and you're just going to have to deal with that and move on. You'll just pretend that you don't and the feelings will stop. They _have_ to stop."

His reflection looked as miserable as he felt at the prospect of pretending he wasn't in love with one of his best friends. But there it was. The truth of his situation. He'd been stupid enough to fall for her, even knowing that she wasn't his and would never be his. Suki was his bodyguard, his friend, the long-time girlfriend of one of his other best friends. She didn't love him, not in that way, and why would he expect her to?

It didn't matter how he felt, and letting her know about his feelings might push her away. It would certainly make things awkward between them. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the scar tissue around his eye pulling tight as he did. He couldn't stand the thought of losing her, even just her friendship. If he lost Suki, his life would be in pieces, in every way that counted, and he knew it.

So he was going to deal with his feelings. Ignore them. Push them away. It was what was best for them both. It was the only thing that made sense, because just _telling_ her was _not_ an option. This was his problem, not hers.

"You _don't_ love her," he told his reflection sternly, but the doubt and pain his own eyes told him everything.


	6. Chapter 6

**PART SIX**

* * *

Suki groggily pulled herself out of sleep, her head pounding, an awful taste in her mouth. She felt gross, like she hadn't bathed in days. As she cracked her gummy eyes open, wincing in the light, she realized it _must_ have been days; the light was different and the air felt strange. How long had she been sick?

Her head turned, searching her room and finding Zuko slumped in a chair close by. He was snoring lightly, his chin resting on his hand. He looked as ragged as she felt, his hair uncombed and laying across his shoulder, half in his face. His clothes were rumpled, like he'd been sleeping in them. His face was stubbled where he hadn't shaved in days.

Memories swarmed over her in a foggy cloud. She squinted at Zuko, and reached a shaking hand up to touch her face. She remembered Zuko's hand caressing her, soothing her with mumbled words too hazy to recall... And there was something else...

Warm arms around her, clutching him in the darkness as she shivered...

Her pale face flushed in splotches as she licked her dry lips, studying Zuko in the morning light slanting through the half-closed curtains. She sat up and tried to regain her hold on the world. She felt weak, hollow and empty inside, and her head was swimming a bit. Her mouth was dry and her teeth felt fuzzy. She also had to go to the bathroom, but try as she might to convince herself to get up, the prospect seemed a bit too daunting to attempt.

After a few moments, Zuko seemed to sense that she was watching him, and he stirred. He opened his eyes and their gazes met for one long moment. Then he turned away, as if he couldn't bear to look at her a moment longer.

Her hand slid into her hair. How bad did she look, exactly?

"You're awake," he said with relief in his voice, staring somewhat left of her shoulder. "I was starting to worry. How are you feeling?"

"Like death warmed over. How long have I been out?" she said in a scratchy voice.

"Well, you've been in and out since yesterday evening. Do you remember any of that?" he said, sliding to the edge of his chair, which was only about a foot away from the bed. Had he been there the whole time?

"I remember some. You made me drink juice?"

"Yeah. You had a really high fever. I thought I might have to take you to the healers, but the fever broke sometime in the night. I've been giving you medication, but you've been out of it, mostly. How are you feeling now?"

"Weak. And really hungry."

"You ate a little yesterday, do you remember?"

"Vaguely. Ty Lee was annoyed with me."

"Yeah," Zuko said, meeting her eyes with a faint smile. He looked away a moment later though, swallowing hard and running a hand through his long, loose hair. "You don't feel like you have to throw up again?"

"No," she croaked and then squeezed her eyes shut tightly. Humiliation flooded her. "Oh spirits... I threw up. On you."

"Yeah."

"Oh no... I'm so sorry..."

"Hey, no... Don't worry about it. It's fine. It wasn't a big deal," he said with a wave of his hands. Suki looked up at him.

"I threw up on the _Fire Lord_."

He looked like he was going to say something, but then closed his mouth and darted forward instead, putting his palm over her forehead for a moment. "You feel fine now..."

"I..." Suki said, biting down on her chapped lip for a moment. "I think I remember... You were..."

"Anyway," he ran over her bracingly, and she narrowed her eyes, sensing a deflection. "You should eat something and take more medication. And you're going to drink your weight in juice. I haven't been able to get you to drink as much as I'd like."

"I feel gross," Suki said hollowly, pushing at her hair, which was feeling rather greasy. "Ugh, don't look at me. I'm so embarrassed."

"You look fine, Suki..." he said, meeting her gaze for another long moment. Then he looked away, with a hasty flick. "Think you can handle some breakfast?"

Suki nodded, and then pushed the covers aside. She wobbled as she got to her feet, and then clutched at her head as the room spun. He darted forward, catching her around the waist as her legs threatened to give out on her. Damn this stupid flu! She'd never felt more useless in her life, and that wasn't a feeling she was at all used to. Competence, strength and self-sufficiency were the things she prided herself on, and here she was, as weak as a kitten, unable to even walk to the bathing room on her own. It rattled her.

"Whoa! Not so fast... I've got you," he said as she looked up at him. Their gazes met again and she saw something flicker in his eyes, a dark light that made her whole body ache. Or maybe that was just the illness.

"Zuko..." she started, but then thought better of it, and instead put her hand over her mouth, realizing with a start how badly her breath must smell. "I think I'd like a bath. I feel pretty grungy."

"No problem," he said and then scooped her up in his arms. Her socked feet dangled as he cradled her against his chest.

"Zuko, I can walk!" she protested, but he shook his head and turned toward the bathing room.

"You're still pretty weak. No sense in tiring yourself out," he mumbled as he walked into the bathing room and gently set her down on the edge of the tub. He reached behind her then, turning on the taps. Hot water gushed out of the faucet and steam billowed around them in a sticky cloud. He turned back to her and his smile was shy, but fleeting. "I'll bring you something to change into."

She didn't protest, letting the warm steam swirl around her as she watched him stiffly walk out of the room. He wasn't gone long, trotting back in with a robe, a nightgown and panties in his hands. He put them down beside her and then backed up a step.

A rueful look crossed her wan features for a moment as she picked up her panties.

"You got into my underwear drawer?"

"Well, Ty Lee isn't here to help, so... Yes. I... I'm sorry. That's probably too far... Inappropriate..."

She shot a teasing smile at him. "No, it's fine. You just surprised me, that's all."

She caught his gaze, but he looked away again almost instantly. "So, um... I'll order some breakfast, and have them change the sheets. Take your time. If you need me, um... Um, if you need someone to help you then I should call a servant... Ty Lee should be here soon, actually."

"I think I can do it."

"You're sure? You're not just being stubborn?"

She smiled a little. "I'm not stubborn."

Something in Zuko softened at that and his smile was all warm affection for one heart-stirring moment. He stepped forward and gently kissed the top of her head. She was too surprised by the gesture to say anything, and watched as he backed up toward the door.

"Yes, you are." Then he was gone, closing the door behind him and leaving her feeling completely out of sorts, and it had nothing to do with her illness.

Chewing on her bottom lip, she slowly pulled off her sweat-soaked clothing, her knees a bit wobbly as she shuffled to the toilet. She relieved herself, grateful not to be hugging the porcelain any longer and grateful most of all that her bowels had stopped liquifying. She hated throwing up most of all though, and hated even more that she'd thrown up on Zuko. What was he thinking? How disgusted was he? He was probably regretting his strange decision to nurse her.

Her splotchy face burned as she walked like an old woman over to the sink and halfheartedly brushed her teeth. That done, she shuffled over to the tub, turned off the taps and then climbed into the hot water with a sigh, all of the remaining strength in her running out like poison from a wound.

She sank down in the water until it covered her face, holding her breath as she let the heat soak through her bones. Finally she sat back up, gasping, pushing her tangled hair out of her eyes. She felt as weak as the water, but managed to give herself a scrub, then worked shampoo into her hair. Her arms felt like lead, and her stomach was starting to scream at her, gurgling, aching for something to wrap itself around.

She let her thoughts wander, and they went where they inevitably always went these days, straight back to Zuko. Had she dreamed it? Had she dreamed that he had held her all night? Or had she been having a fever dream? Surely he hadn't caressed her face in the dark, promising never to leave her side, pressing his lips to her forehead while she pulled herself against him, seeking warmth and comfort in the hard lines of his solid body.

She thought of how Zuko had had a hard time looking her in the face. Surely that wasn't why? He was probably just mortified that she'd thrown up on him, disappointed that she had been taken so low by such a stupid illness.

And yet... And yet she remembered the touch of his hand on her cheek, and the soft vibration of his voice as she put her warm face to his chest...

Her face and chest flushed in unsightly splotches at the thought and she pushed them away with a shake of her soapy head. It had been a fever dream, it had to have been.

She ducked under the water again, working her hands through her hair to get the shampoo out as best she could. It would have to do. She didn't have the strength to do much more than that. Satisfied that she was at least clean, she pulled the plug on the drain and then stood.

She regretted it immediately.

The combination of the strength-sapping hot water, lack of food and her dizzy, spinning head proved too much for her and she felt the world slip away from her in a rush of darkness so sudden she didn't even cry out.

* * *

"Thank you," Zuko said to the two maids who had stripped Suki's bed and were putting on fresh linens and blankets. The two women nodded at him shyly and then glanced at each other with knowing looks. He frowned, wondering what that meant, but was distracted by the servant at the doorway. "Ah, there you are."

"What can I do for you this morning, Fire Lord Zuko?" the young man asked, clasping his hands behind his back, his face a neutral mask of politeness.

"I'd like you to bring up a large breakfast for two. Toast and hot porridge with berries for Captain Suki, I think, and lots of orange juice and water. I'll like my usual, and some hot coffee, not tea."

"As you wish, Sire. Will that be all?"

"For now, th-" Zuko started, but stopped when he heard a loud thump from the other side of the bathing room door. His heart leaped, and he moved without thought to the door. "Suki?"

Nothing. She didn't answer.

"Suki? Are you all right? Suki? SUKI, ANSWER ME! Are you okay? Answer me or I'm coming in!"

She didn't answer though and he reached for the doorknob, intending on charging into the room. One of the maids had come up beside him, though, and grabbed his sleeve before he could.

"Your Highness, let me!"

"What?" he said, turning to her. "She might be hurt!"

"She may be in a delicate situation, Fire Lord Zuko. She might not want you to come in," the maid said, her voice heavy with meaning and Zuko realized what she meant, his face flushing.

"I... Fine. You go in," he said shortly, though it cost him. He wanted nothing more than to run to her side. What if she'd hit her head? What if she was injured?

The very thought curdled his guts as the maid slipped into the room and closed the door behind her. He paced the room, glancing at the other maid, who hastily finished up remaking the bed and stood there with the dirty linens wadded up in her arms.

"Is she okay?" he called through the door.

"It looks like she fainted, but she's waking up. Give me a moment to dress her, sire." Far too long passed before he heard the maid's voice call out to him. "She's decent now! You may come in!"

He nearly wrenched the door off of its hinges as he charged into the room, only to find Suki wrapped in her robe, lying with her head in the maid's lap. Her hair was dripping wet, and there was a puddle of water on the slick tiles beneath her. She turned her face to Zuko for a moment, flushing dark red.

"Are you okay?"he said, his voice cracking as he rushed to her side and went down on one knee before her. He took her hand, pulling it to his chest.

"I think so," Suki said in an embarrassed voice. "I was getting out of the bathtub and everything went dark."

"You're still very sick, Captain," the maid said and then looked at Zuko. "I think it best we get her off of the floor and into her bed."

"Yes, yes of course..." Zuko started, and reached forward. He put his arm beneath Suki's knees, the other around her torso and with a lurch, he got to his feet.

"I can walk," she protested faintly, but he ignored her, turning on his heel and walking back into her bedroom. The maid rushed ahead, switching the covers back for him. He set her down on the bed and then pulled the covers up over her. He smoothed the covers down for a moment as Suki took an unsteady breath. Then he sank down onto the edge of the bed, his hand lifting to cup her face. Suki caught his hand and held onto it tightly. "Zuko, you're trembling..."

"You scared me," he admitted softly, hanging his head a little. The maids bowed out of the room silently, leaving them alone as the door clicked closed. The servant he'd sent for food was gone as well, though he hadn't seen him leave. "Don't do that again."

Suki's smile was wan. "I'll try not to."

"Did you hit your head?"

"No, really, I'm fine," she said as he rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. "Just sit with me for a moment."

"Of course," he said softly, lifting her hand and kissing the back of it. Suki bit down on her lower lip at that and he cursed at himself inwardly. What was he thinking? He was going to give himself away if he kept it up. "I sent a servant for food. You need to eat."

"I know."

"I need you to get better soon."

"Why's that?"

"Because I'm utterly lost without you," he said with a teasing smile. It was a joke they'd shared before, but he knew the truth of it. Even more now than before. "I need my bodyguard."

"You need a shower," Suki said, wrinkling her nose at him playfully. He felt a jerk in his guts at that and then his heart squeezed painfully in his chest. "How long has it been since you took care of yourself?"

"I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about."

"Zuko, you can't put the whole Fire Nation on hold because I'm sick. I'll be okay. You need to get back to your life. You don't need to take care of me."

 _But you are my life,_ he thought desperately, but stopped himself before the emotions that welled in him could show in his face. _Remember the plan. You don't love her. Ignore your feelings._

"I want to take care of you, Suki," he said softly, ignoring the reasonable voice in his head. "You spend all of your time taking care of me. The least I can do is return the favor." He bent over her hand, his hair falling into his eyes. "Besides, you'd do the same for me. And... And I _like_ taking care of you."

He knew he shouldn't have admitted that, but he couldn't stop the words.

All of his feelings wanted to rush out of him at once. So much for his resolve. How was he ever going ot keep up this charade?

"Zuko..." He felt her hand on his cheek and looked up into her impossible blue eyes for one long moment. He saw something stirring in her eyes in that moment, a longing that echoed through him. Then she shut it down, dropping her hand. "Thank you."

"Suki, I-" he started, but there was a knock on the door. "Enter!"

The door opened a moment later and the servant wheeled in a cart with two covered dishes on it. He helped Suki sit up against the pillows, as the servant brought the lap tray over to her and set it down. Suki wasted no time in digging into the berry-dotted rice porridge. He watched her as she ate, feeling somehow soothed by her appetite.

The servant brought his own food over to the bed and he propped it up beside him, and dismissed the servant with a nod and a thank you. The servant bowed out, leaving them alone again.

"I'm starving," Suki said around a mouthful of toast, and then gulped down half a glass of juice. Zuko smiled a little, picking at his steamed rice. It wasn't long before Suki finished her food, and he noticed her gaze on the miso soup on his tray.

"Here," he said, plunking the bowl down in front of her. She glanced at him in apology, but he just grinned, watching as she spooned the soup into her mouth as quickly as she could swallow it. He ate his steamed rice and sipped his coffee as they sat in companionable silence.

After she finished the soup, she polished off the last of the orange juice and sat back on her pillows, looking sated. She coughed deeply and then dabbed at her mouth and sighed. "I think I just made a moo-sow of myself."

"Nonsense," Zuko laughed, putting his empty bowl down. "It's good to see that your appetite is back."

"Here's hoping I don't throw it up again," she said ruefully, watching as he grabbed the packet of medicine from the side table.

"Well, the bucket is still sitting here by the bed, if you feel the need, but the healer said once your fever broke the worst of the symptoms would be over," he said, gesturing to the floor beside her as he poured the medicine into her water glass and then handed it to her. She stared at the dissolving powder for a moment and then gulped the whole glass.

"After that juice and this water, I'm going to float out of this bed."

"I thought you were going to do that last night, when your fever was breaking."

Her brow furrowed as she looked up at him. "Zuko... Last night, did I...? Umm..."

"What?"

She tugged on the ends of her damp hair. "Did I talk in my sleep?"

"A little."

She seemed to pale even further. "What was I saying?"

Her words from last night slammed into his memory like a hot lick of lightning, jolting through him. _Zuko, I'll never leave you..._

He pushed the memory away. She had been riddled with fever. It had meant nothing, he reminded himself.

"Nothing important," he said with a shrug, but he could see the narrow suspicion in her eyes, as if she knew he was lying. She didn't press him though, settling back on her pillows as Zuko stacked both of their trays and then took them out into the hallway and placed them on the cart the servant had left. He turned around to walk back into the room, and found himself face to face with Ty Lee, who was blocking the door to Suki's room with her arms crossed over her chest. She looked uncharacteristically serious again.

He had she seen it in his eyes? Did she know what he had come to realize about his feelings for Suki? He tried to make his face blank.

"How is she?" Ty Lee asked, jerking her head toward the room.

"Better, I think. She had a bad fever last night, but it broke just before dawn. Another couple of days and she'll be back to her old self again. Just like Nam-Kyu said."

"And you still intend to stay with her until she's better?" Ty Lee asked, her eyebrow arching.

"Well...yeah..." he started, attempting to move past her and into Suki's room, but Ty Lee's tiny body blocked him. "Ty Lee, what are you doing?"

"Zuko, you haven't slept, you haven't showered, you've been wearing the same clothes for two days and oh yeah, you have a Nation to run! I slept all night, let me take it from here."

"Suki needs me," he said stubbornly, but Ty Lee put her hand on his chest, stopping him as he tried to barrel past her.

"Suki needs rest now, that's all. I can take it from here, okay? You need to get yourself some sleep before you get sick yourself."

He pulled a grimace. "If I was going to catch it, I already would have."

"Still. You're the Fire Lord, Zuko. You're not supposed to go missing for four days. The Fire Nation needs you."

"You heard something, didn't you?"

Ty Lee licked her lips and glanced down the corridor. "Not me, Aiko. She said she heard some things. A couple of rumors. Nothing too bad. Everyone's sick, so no one is really paying much attention to where you are or what you're doing. At the moment... But that won't last, Zuko."

"It's not what they think it is," he insisted, lying straight through his teeth now. He could feel a nervous sweat starting in his underarms.

Ty Lee's look was a bit too knowing for his liking. "I know. But you have to think about how it looks."

"Why should I?" he groused, but a sudden panic was taking hold of him.

Ty Lee had tried to warn him before, but he'd been so sure that what he'd been doing had been nothing more than a gesture of friendship. Now, after last night's revelation, he could see it for what it was. He was fairly sure that Ty Lee at least suspected the root of his concern for Suki, and if she did, then others might too, and there went his secret.

 _I'm such a fool,_ he thought in a panic. _Everyone with a brain is going to think that we're... That Suki and I are... They're going to figure out that I have feelings for her. Of course they are! I've made it so obvious! I'm an idiot!_

If anyone figured out his reasons for taking care of Suki, there went any chance he had of keeping his feelings from her. Not just that, but if rumors started about the two of them, it would spread like wildfire and he knew it—he'd known it all along, but he hadn't thought there was any basis to it. It could be ignored, shrugged off.

Now there was something behind it, a truth he didn't dare let out. That might damage Suki's reputation. It could damage her relationship with Sokka.

He couldn't stand the thought of that happening, all because he'd been too blinded by his feelings to exercise good sense. He needed to do damage control. Immediately.

"I'm sure Suki is really touched by how much you care about her." Ty Lee's voice was a little too sympathetic and he groaned inwardly. "But it's time you let me take over. Go get a shower and some sleep and get back to your duties, okay?"

Zuko glanced at the door and then down at his rumpled clothing. He didn't like it. Every instinct in him wanted to push Ty Lee aside, swoop into Suki's suite and pull her into his arms. He hardened himself against that instinct. He'd created this shit situation, and he was determined to fix it.

"Fine. Fine, I give in. You're right, Ty Lee. I don't want anyone getting the wrong impression here and starting _totally unfounded_ rumors. I think I was just really rattled by how sick she was. You know how strong Suki is."

"I do," Ty Lee said with a fond smile. "And I know you care about her."

 _More than I should,_ he thought miserably. _If you only knew how much, Ty Lee._

But he had a feeling she did anyway.

"All right. Let me say goodbye to her and then I'll...get back to things. Okay?" he said miserably.

Ty Lee's mouth twisted, but she nodded and stepped aside.

When he went into Suki's room, she was halfheartedly combing her wet hair. She looked up at him and smiled, then dropped her hand. "Seems pointless to brush this mess."

His smile was gentle, a lump in his throat. She looked beautiful, despite how pale she still was, and the shadows beneath her eyes. She'd recover though. She was strong and stubborn, and Ty Lee would be there to make sure she took her medication.

"You look-" he started, and then choked on the words, biting on his tongue in an effort to hide the sudden surge of feelings in him. He sat down in the chair, reached for her hand, and then stopped. Suki noticed the gesture, and her brows furrowed over her blue eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Ty Lee's outside. She's going to take over. Um... I have some pressing duties that I need to get back to. So I probably won't be back. For a while. I mean, I want to stay and keep you company. But. Duty...and all that," he said haltingly, guiltily looking away. "I just...wanted to tell you that. And I hope you recover soon."

"Zuko," she said softly, reaching out and taking his hand. Her touch startled him, sending off little painful rockets of want in him. He looked up and met her gaze. "You don't have to feel guilty about leaving me."

"You asked me not to, though."

"I did?"

"Yeah... When you were... You were really out of it," he explained lamely, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Oh. Well, sick me can be a bit needy, I guess," she joked, dropping her gaze with a chagrined smile. "That's what Sokka says, anyway."

That sobered him up. "Right. Sokka. Umm... I should go."

He dropped her hand and stood in a rush, feeling suddenly like he couldn't breathe. He started toward the door, but her voice stopped him.

"You didn't have to do all of this, taking care of me. I appreciate it, and I know it wasn't a picnic, but... I'm touched."

He turned back to face her, avoiding her gaze again. "You're one of my very best friends, Suki. I'd do anything for you, and I want you to know that."

"I do know that," she whispered hollowly.

He smiled, tight lipped, and nodded deeply. "I'll check on you when I can, but Ty Lee will be here. Take as much time as you need. The other Warriors can handle my detail until you're back on your feet."

"Okay." He started to say something else, but stopped himself again. He needed to leave. He needed to sort himself out. He needed to bury his feelings for her in the deepest, darkest depths of his soul. He went for the door and as he opened it, she called out, "Thank you, Zuko."

He met her gaze and nodded again, but bit down on his tongue. He didn't trust his mouth at the moment.

He left her then, closing the door behind him. Ty Lee was leaning against the wall. Aiko and Qing had joined her, and were standing at attention. He met Ty Lee's gaze, and saw something in her eyes. He thought it might have been understanding, and maybe a little bit of pity. He swallowed and glanced back at the door.

"Take care of her."

"You know I will."

He didn't say anything else, just walked away as if in a daze. It felt wrong, leaving her. As wrong as it felt to stay. Aiko and Qing fell into step behind him, but neither of them said anything as he made his way through the mostly-empty corridors of the palace, and up the stairs to his suite.

He left his two guards in the corridor and entered his suite. The sun slanted through the windows, dust motes dancing in the air. A pile of paperwork awaiting his signature sat on his desk.

He closed his eyes, remembering the soft feel of Suki's warm breath against his neck. He pushed the memory away, tightening his fists.

"She's just your friend, and that's all she'll ever be," he mumbled into the quiet of his empty suite. "No matter how you feel."

The words fell into the silence and lingered there. Misery swept through him.

He was such a fool.


	7. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

* * *

Suki didn't know why she felt nervous, as she knocked on the door of Zuko's office, glancing at Chao-Ahn and Xiuying, who were guarding the doorway like two identical sentinels. It had been five days since Zuko had returned to his duties, leaving her in Ty Lee's care. Her recovery from the Fire Flu had been a lot slower than she'd liked, and she was only now ready to resume her post.

She hadn't seen Zuko at all in those five days, despite his promise to come check on her. Ty Lee had told her that he was busy, and while she knew what Zuko's usual workload was, and the amount of paperwork four days off would accumulate, she still felt somehow abandoned.

He hadn't wanted to leave her side at first, and then suddenly, he'd just vanished. His behavior had been very cagey the morning he'd left. She'd felt so sure that he had been avoiding her gaze, that he wasn't telling her something.

She couldn't think for the life of her what that something was. Had she said something while she'd been out of it with fever? Her throat closed. There were a lot of things she could have said while she'd been sick, and not in control of her thoughts or her mouth. Things that could make things between them very uncomfortable, for a whole host of reasons.

 _Maybe I didn't say anything weird. Maybe it was just because I puked on him. Or because I'd looked like death warmed over. Or maybe he just regretted his decisions to take care of me, and took the first opportunity he had to run away? Can I even blame him?_

She couldn't, not really. She hadn't liked him seeing her so sick, and it wasn't just that the Fire Flu had had some nasty, dignity-killing side-effects. She knew that she had worried him. She didn't like worrying Zuko, who tended to work himself into knots over even the smallest things.

He was probably embarrassed by the whole thing. Mortified at seeing her passed out on her bathing room floor, or humiliated by her throwing up all over him, not once, but twice.

The more she thought of it, the more likely it was that he had avoided her for those very reasons. It made so much sense.

"Enter!" Zuko called, in answer to her knock on his door.

She opened the door, only to find herself facing Councilors Guo and Osamu, who were seated in chairs opposite Zuko's. Zuko's face lit up when he saw her. "Suki! I didn't know you were coming back to work today!"

"Fire Lord Zuko, Councilors," she said, as she bowed to Zuko and then to the two older men. Zuko had bounded to his feet and was halfway toward her, when he stopped.

"Captain," Guo said coolly, nodding, but not rising from his seat. Osamu was looking at her strangely, his eyes narrowed. He too, had not risen.

"How are you?" Zuko asked tightly, shifting from foot to foot.

"Much better, thank you. I just wanted to tell you that I was returning to duty today. I'll be taking the evening shift for the next week."

"Are you sure? If you need more rest-"

"No, no. If I rest any longer, I'll grow weeds. Or I'll end up murdering Ty Lee," she said with a laugh that petered out as the two Councilors stared at her with growing dislike. Zuko shot her a soft smile, met her gaze, and then quickly looked away.

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure she could use a few more days off of her feet," Osamu interrupted. "The Fire Flu is particularly hard on those who are foreign-born. They haven't the hardiness of Fire Nation peoples. I'm sure the Captain needs all the rest she can get."

The insult was as plain as a slap to the face, and incredibly pointed. She tried to school her face into an indifferent mask, as Zuko turned a frown on Osamu.

"That's an interesting viewpoint, Osamu, coming from a man I saw puking his guts up in the healing ward. I also heard you fainted into your breakfast table and it took four men to carry you to your bed. A bed you just left today yourself," Zuko shot at him.

Osamu's face purpled, but he looked cowed. He coughed and took a drink of his tea.

"I'm sure the Captain knows best," Guo said diplomatically.

 _Damn right I do_ , she thought as she stifled a smile, and tried to catch Zuko's gaze. Despite his admonishing Osamu, he looked flustered.

"Is this a bad time?" she asked.

"No! Well...yes, but no," he stammered and then drew himself up. He met her gaze for a long, steady moment. "I'm glad you're back on your feet. I've... I've missed you."

"Sire? This legislation won't wait," Guo called. Suki glanced over at him, and he was looking at her with a shrewd glint in his eye. As if she were a bug he'd like to squash.

She felt the weirdest creeping feeling up her spine at his look. Zuko's council had always treated her with a distant respect at best, and like easily-ignored furniture at worst. But something about that look...a look that Osamu shared...

They didn't like her. She wasn't sure why, but she knew it was true. For whatever reason, these two men had taken a sudden, intense dislike of her. Maybe even hatred.

But why? What had she done?

Confusion filled her. The only thing she'd done was get sick...and had the Fire Lord himself attend to her. Her. An outsider. An Earth Kingdom peasant. Her illness had ground the entire machinery of the palace to a halt. He had slept at her bedside, ignored his responsibilities, his throne. He had placed _her_ above his duty to his people.

 _That_ was what she had done.

And they hated her for it.

A sense of foreboding swelled in her chest as Zuko glanced guiltily at her and then back at his Councilors. "I'm sorry... I..."

She smiled tersely at him, but it was more of a grimace. "No, I'm sorry. I interrupted. I just wanted to tell you I'm better, since you've been so busy."

"About that... I meant to come..."

"No, no," she said, waving him off. "I know how important your responsibilities are. You spent too much time at my sickbed as it was. I couldn't reasonably expect you to spend more."

"Still, I should have stopped by. I..."

"It's okay, Zuko. I understand. Really. Don't let me keep you."

He met her gaze again, and held it steady this time. There was something strange in his eyes, regret and a tense, almost panicked expression that she couldn't even begin to decipher. "Suki..."

"Good day, Fire Lord Zuko."

She bowed to him and then walked out of his office without looking back. She could feel his eyes on her, could sense a million and one things that they hadn't said to one another. There was tension there. Unspoken things on both sides, though she couldn't quite grasp what they were.

Something had changed though, between them. Something fundamental.

Guo and Osamu knew it. She had a bad feeling the rest of the palace would catch up as well, that their sudden dislike of her would spread. She had a feeling she was in for a world of trouble.

Suki walked past her Warrior sisters, her mind heavy with dark thoughts, her stomach tightening with worry.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Zuko sat alone in his office, having just finished his meeting with Guo and Osamu. He could still smell the lingering traces of Suki's perfume in the air. It tantalized him, as she had tantalized him in his dreams ever since he had left her bedside.

He hunched over in the chair, hands tightening into fists. She would be on duty this evening. He would have to see her. He would have to look at her and not let her know that he...

He couldn't do this. It had been easier to hide everything while he'd stayed away from her, though it had cost him. Cost him dearly. He'd wanted nothing more than to rush back to her side. It mattered very little that she had been out of danger, that she had been in recovery. That she hadn't needed him.

Now she was back. Now he had to pretend again.

He didn't think he could do it. He'd never had a very good poker face. He knew he would slip eventually, that he'd tell her how he felt. He knew it as surely as he knew that he loved her. As surely as he knew that tongues were already wagging about his behavior.

He sat back in his chair with a sigh.

"I'm in deep shit."

 _(end)_


End file.
